How To Piss People Off … And Make Them Love You For It

May 12, 2009 · Comments

Jason Falls

Editor’s Note: Today’s post is a guest entry from Stuart Foster, a marketing consultant in the Boston area. He specializes in brand management, social media and blog outreach. He is a frequent commentor at SME and blogs regularly at Thelostjacket.com.

Stuart Foster

Stuart Foster

Pissing people off is an art form. Do it right and you not only incite a great conversation but you might initiate change as well. Do it wrong and end up on the wrong end of a flame war. It’s a tricky line to walk but one that I have found to be extremely effective. Here are a few tips that I utilize on a daily basis or when I’m feeling like inciting conversation:

  1. Make a statement that can be argued both ways.
    The goal: to incite a conversation/debate. This way you can facilitate all parties being heard as each side of the fence will have valid points to argue. You can even have more fun by playing devil’s advocate in comments.
  2. Don’t be afraid to take on anyone, regardless of status, notoriety, or position.
    Call out b.s. when you see it and don’t hold back. The only way you can be heard is if you are completely open with your stances, opinions and ideas. You can’t hold back or try and change your personality … if anything you should personalize things more.
  3. Take a strong initial stance but allow for circumstantial deviation.
    Allow yourself planned retreats and advances. This way you can go for the low hanging fruit and gather time to plan a counter-attack. It also allows you some legalese wiggle room.
  4. Go for the jugular when debating … but explain your points.
    You can absolutely eviscerate someone in commenting, blog posts or conversation. Just make sure you do it while making salient points. You can be a dick, just make sure your argument is practically unassailable while doing so. Pwn smartly.
  5. Do it with a smile.
    Be charming and don’t take yourself so seriously. The Fugees named a song “Killing me Softly” for a reason, do the same with your words. So go for the perception of effortless cool.
  6. Think about your points thoroughly and carefully.
    Map out ideas for any possible direction the conversation could go (and keep notes of them). I have about 4-5 notepad docs open at anytime to jot down new ideas I get.
  7. If all else fails: Laugh and move on.
    You can’t win them all but you can enjoy the defeat or victory as a win for conversation.

Being a squeaky wheel can piss people off, but it’s worth it if it drives the conversation in the right direction or gets everyone back on track.

More insight from Stuart from TheLostJacket.com:

Tagged as: conversation, conversation starters, piss people off, pissing people off, Social Media, Stuart Foster

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  • David Chapman
    you're kinda weird mate. how's that for evisceratin'?
  • Stuart,

    Love the humorous take! Sometimes, people are so afraid of upsetting people that we play it too safe. While I don't agree with picking a fight just for the sake of picking a fight (which I don't think is what you're advocating anyway), I do think that we need be willing to step outside our comfort zones and offer opinions. Pushing the envelope isn't a bad thing!

    Heather (@prtini)
  • Pissing people off cuts against the grain for me. I guess I could take the usual banter but when people (that you don't even know from Adam or Eve) starts calling you names, unprintable ones, I call my lawyer.

    This happened to me recently with one guy who moderates a group like a despot and has the habit of calling people names. It so happened he is a retired professor. He wanted everybody to agree with him. So, I said b.s. pointblank and continued, I simply don't believe what you are saying. So, what now, do I get an F? He started it. I was just reacting.

    Then he started calling me names. I asked my lawyer to look at the thread, do a timeline (it became a continuing harrassment) and evaluate the possibility of punitive damages. He said the guy cannot even hide behind the First Amendment as there is prima facie evidence of libel. I sued for the heck of it and as an exemplary exercise for his elk.

    To push the issue, I also said I would google myself and every thread that shows up is one count of libel. Until now, he is still hiding.
  • with others go for the jugular when debating but explaining your points is most favorable to seek more people
  • Aren't you advocating in favor of grandstanding? It seems as if you are in favor of picking a fight for the sake of a fight and, well, if it doesn't go well - just walk away with a snicker.

    What exactly is the point of finding a statement that can be argued both ways and then lobbing it out there? Shouldn't we all be advocating ideas that we believe in? What's the purpose of "pissing people off"? Sounds like a stunt to increase blog traffic by being rude and argumentative.

    Maybe I'm missing something, but I think there is enough snarkiness and rudeness on the Web without actively soliciting it.

    To me a conversation is an informal exchange of ideas. It's a way to meet and engage with people. Can't we do that without carefully orchestrated plots to piss the other person off? Can't we do that without "eviscerating" each other?

    Just a thought.
  • I'm just having fun with it. I don't take any of it very seriously (and I don't look at it as grandstanding). Getting attention is easy, maintaining it is another story entirely.

    Not everyone is as forward thinking as you are George. Most just run and gun and do stuff to deliberately grab attention (sometimes through not so nice means). This is merely an attempt to have fun with that concept and expand on it a bit.

    It is fun to destroy a weak argument though. Not going to lie about that.
  • Hi Stuart:
    Hard to argue against the "I'm only kidding around" defense. That sounds suspiciously like a duck and cover strategy for your own weak argument :-) I will give you merit points for trying to have fun though.
  • Would it piss you off if I pointed out that Killing Me Softly was a Roberta Flack song LONG before the Fugees? Perhaps not...would it piss you off if I told you that I knew full well everyone else had already pointed it out in the comments, but said it anyway? Getting any closer to the jugular there? ;)
  • Nope :) Enjoying it immensely actually.
  • :D
  • haha, that's blood brilliant! Nice to know someone else thinks like me...

    "Pwn smartly." 'ere 'ere to that!

    side note -- roberta flack was the original -- wyclef, while a favourite of Obama, and his crew aren't the originals :-)
  • *bloody brilliant
    (need manicure on that unrelated note, too)
  • Yana
    Squeaky wheel gets the oil!
    There is a fine line between persistent and pushy, but persistence does pay off!
  • Steve
    I like your blog a lot. However, who the hell are the Fugees? Roberta Flack sang that song in 1971, probably back before you were born.
    Someone I saw posted that "Happy Trails" was by Van Halen. Guess they never heard of Roy Rogers and Dale Evans. It bugs me when people give credit to the wrong folks!
  • See my comment to Vernicus below :). (And yes 1971 was 14 years before I was born).
  • #7 is crucial. We all make mistakes and get called out on it sometimes. Having enough sense to know when you've effed up and it's time to move on is crucial. Humility is a good thing.

    "Pwn smartly."

    Wise words, wise words.
  • Humility is great for relationship building. Mainly because it establishes that both parties are rational individuals. Knowing when to shut up is pretty cool.
  • Good article. The Fugees though? lol
  • Lauryn Hill is still relevant right? I mean she's crazy...but still an awesome performer ;)
  • Vernicus
    Whether she's relevant or not, it's painful that you think the Fugees named that song: it's a cover of a Roberta Flack song. That kinda undermines your point about thinking carefully about your points....unless you planned this to illustrate your "circumstantial deviation" point. ;-)
  • Bingo ;). I did originally think that the Fugee's had written the song but through an edit discovered that they hadn't (and Roberta had). Thankfully an older editor called me on it (thanks Amy Vernon) but I decided to leave it in there because it fit more with my cultural sensibilities. (I'm 24)
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