If You Don’t Treat Social Media Like Sex, You’re Doing it Wrong.

by · December 5, 201230 comments

I was at church when I got the idea for this article. It’s not as twisted as it may sound. You see, my wife and I went to hear psychologist, leadership consultant, and best-selling author Dr. Henry Cloud lead a marriage seminar. On day two, at about half past the second cup of coffee, we got into sex. The good doctor told us we need to have intercourse. Then he told us the definition of the word.

in·ter·course [in-ter-kawrs, -kohrs]
noun — interchange of thoughts, feelings, etc.

Dr. Cloud talked about how very important this communication interchange is to a healthy relationship. It’s not a groundbreaking idea. But it’s incontrovertible. And it made me think that this notion, which is so essential to marriage, so essential to intimacy, is just as essential to successful social media marketing.

If, like me, you believe social media is an ongoing exercise in building relationships, which is essential to building your business, you’ll want to indulge my thesis.

So now, with your permission, we’ll get it on. Let’s examine five basic sex tips that you can apply to become a better social media marketer.


You're Doing it WrongBe authentic. Be transparent. Be genuine. These have become mantras in a world turned interactive. But yick, they’re so damn sterile.

What do you say we nix the euphemistic BS and simply get naked? Are you with me? You might be used to that stiff and starched shirt—and it might look mighty fine—but it covers up the real you.

Remove it. Be yourself. Let it all hang out.

Yeah, yeah, yeah… you represent a proud company. You’ve got class. Scruples. You have a reputation to protect.Screw that. It’s time to get friendly my friend. No one really wants to do business with your brand, your good name, or that slick logo you wear on your chest. People want to do business with people. The mega-rise of social media makes this an undeniable truth. It’s time to strip.


Blushing? I thought so. But let’s be real. Though you may be into social media marketing to consummate the deal, you’ll fail fast if you don’t take your time. However eager you may be for the main course, you’re bound to find the one you pine for finds appetizers more appetizing.

Ease into it. Be attentive to the needs of the one you’re with. Nurture the relationship. If you want to make social media satisfying, it’ll pay to be patient.


Review that definition now. And for a little more dictionary fun, realize this: to “interchange” is to follow each other. How’s that for the perfect parallel between sex and social media?

The idea is to exchange things, thoughts especially. Nothing shameful is happening here. In fact, what we’re talking about is downright beautiful. Interchange all you can. In the course of all this intercourse, you’re likely to learn what buttons to press. Now that’s marketing!


You don’t want to be overly predictable. Or repetitive. It’s boring in the bedroom and it’s boring in social spaces too.

Experiment a bit. Even if you know how to slay ‘em with blog posts, at some point you have to breathe some new life into the relationship. Fire up the camera. Pictures… video… some nice music? I don’t know.

Some people like graphics. Some like podcasts. Some like how-to manuals.

However enthralled you may be with Twitter, Facebook and LinkedIn, you might find some new thrills on Pinterest or Instagram or YouTube. Variety is a total turn-on. I might have read that in Cosmopolitan. Mix it up, mate.


That was soooooo great. Are you done?

Hope not. You know what happens to relationships that don’t progress: they die.

Remind yourself when you’ve got something good going on, you need to keep it up. Rewind. Review. Maybe revise. My point: put as much TLC into the relationship as you can.

Relationships are sacred.

“The love you take is equal to the love you make.”

~ Lennon & McCartney

I’m spent. A smoke sounds good right about now.


Do you have a fun analogy for social media? Join the conversation. Share your thoughts in the comments.

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About Barry Feldman

Barry Feldman

Barry Feldman creates compelling content by telling stories. He's a freelance copywriter, creative director, content marketing consultant, and an alright guy. He specializes in persuasion and engagement and has authored the eBooks "21 Pointers to Sharpen Your Website" and "The Plan to Grow Your Business with Effective Online Marketing" to help improve your online marketing. If you would like a piece of his mind, visit Feldman Creative and his blog,  The Point.

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Comments on Social Media Explorer are open to anyone. However, I will remove any comment that is disrespectful and not in the spirit of intelligent discourse. You are welcome to leave links to content relevant to the conversation, but I reserve the right to remove it if I don't see the relevancy. Be nice, have fun. Fair?

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  • http://www.feldmancreative.com/ Barry Feldman

    Y’all blushing too much to say anything? C’mon now. Whisper to us here at SME.

  • http://www.facebook.com/angela.hemming Angela Hemming

    This is so spot-on. You write the best headlines, Barry. But I stayed for the superb content. I learn by just following you. A voyeur, you might say ;-)

    • http://www.feldmancreative.com/ Barry Feldman

      OMG (first time I ever typed that, I hope)! What a great compliment Angela. Been called a variety of things, but never a voyeur. Gonna go buy a dictionary now to learn what that means. Hope to continue having intercourse with you ;-)

  • http://www.feedtheagency.com/ Matthew Ray Scott

    Barry, a great post! I have attended church on a number of occasions & taken notes like, “don’t skip marketing foreplay.”  

    • http://www.feldmancreative.com/ Barry Feldman

      Can you give me the address of this church?

      • http://www.feedtheagency.com/ Matthew Ray Scott

        LOL! Mars Hill in Seattle. It’s a bit of a drive for you and I, but before moving to San Diego, my wife & I enjoyed Marc Driscoll’s preaching. It’s a bit like John the Baptist meets Fight Club.

  • Hannah Tighe

    This is brilliant, so darn refreshing!  Thank you for sharing such a great post that is informative,  but fun to read.  I thoroughly enjoyed reading this!

    • http://www.feldmancreative.com/ Barry Feldman

      Shwing! Thank you HT.

  • http://www.findnewcustomers.com Jeff Ogden

    Great idea on using an usual analogy. Very fun read!

    • http://www.feldmancreative.com/ Barry Feldman

      Thanks Jeff. I come across your stuff online often and appreciate what you do.

  • http://www.Bliss-Radio.com/ Chrystal Bougon

    As a sex toy expert and a social media geek… I want to say BRAVO!  I would CUDDLE YOU SO HARD if I could. 

    • http://www.feldmancreative.com/ Barry Feldman

      Gulp. We have a sex toy expert here at SME? I appreciate the virtual cuddle, but please keep in mind I’m trying to deliver social media tips. 

      • Blissconnection

        I like to joke at my networking meetings that I am the S.E.O. and the S.E.X. lady.  And, you are right. People do business with people. Not with your brand. Be REAL. It works. Plus it’s so easy to just be real and be who you are.

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  • Kmarvin

    Very engaging! Thank you for the share. The analogy appeals and “haha” at your parallels. I wish more brands understood this concept. 

  • http://mikemai.net/ Mike Mai

    i laughed. thanks!

    • http://www.feldmancreative.com/ Barry Feldman

      You laughed? These are serious subjects dude!

      • http://mikemai.net/ Mike Mai

        seriously funny

  • http://ChristineLBowen.com/ Christine L Bowen

    YES, YES, YES! My friend/business partner and I always speak to this when it comes to Social Networking. Awesome Barry!

  • Greg Narayan

    This is genius Barry, I didn’t think you’d “hit it from so many angles” ha ha. 

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